Not Disabled Enough?

By Nina Garret

A couple of weeks ago while planning a group outing that I was also participating in, a woman called me wanting to know more about the event. One of the questions she asked was were there going to be anyone with a disability. A little confused … I respond by saying yes. Moments later after getting off the phone with her, I realized she did not consider me to be “disabled.”

Why did she not think I was part of the “group”? I had met and spent some time with the woman on a number of occasions. In fact, she and I have the same disability! I was puzzled, but after hanging up the phone I became mostly annoyed.

All of my life I’ve known I’ve had a disability or at least known I was different than others in some ways. There’s never been an instance where someone has ever questioned that I have a disability, let alone by someone who is also Disabled.

Was this just an honest mistake on her part, or was there something even more outlandish about myself that I didn’t know? For the first time in my life, I had to ask myself, “Am I disabled enough to be Disabled?”

The lady and I both share the same physical disability, cerebral palsy, so how could this denial of identity have happened? After taking a closer look at the curve ball life had hurled my way, I realized a perspective other than my own was needed to swing the bat and make a connection. I needed to assess, think, dissect, compare and contrast, analyze and re-assess this incident.

Looking at both of us side by side, there are obvious differences in our shared disability. I am able to control the majority of my body movements. I do not need to wait and wonder when a part of my body decides to have a life of its own. I walk with a noticeable kink in my gait, yet compared to her I walk with total ease. Although with similar speech patterns, I am able to speak more clearly and faster.

Could this woman be right? Is there a divider between those who have a mild disability and those who have a so-called severe disability?

What is the deciding factor that declares one person to be labeled as having a disability? Who has the authority to judge whether someone belongs to the Disabled community? Does this mean the more disabled you are, the more rights you have to be categorized in that group?

If that were true, then who gets to decide whether or not I am a valid invalid?!

So many people refer to themselves as disabled or having a disability. Ten to fifteen years ago, people with psychological disorders did not refer to themselves as “Disabled.” Neither did people who were obese or had drug addictions. Today, it seems like everyone from the obese to the drug addicts are jumping on the disability band wagon, at least the ones society deems as “outkasts” or not part of the norm. Things have changed now, more people are seeking protection under the ADA and the fight for equality is growing.

Funny, the US prides itself on accepting diversity, but when it comes to accepting “all” people, society seems to have contracted a case of amnesia, or it has completely forgotten the concept of equality.

My whole life has been about proving to people I can achieve goals and be independent, despite the disability. To live a meaningful life and experience all that life has to offer is not a privilege reserved only for the so-called normal people.

So was I going to allow this woman’s denial of my disability diminish all of my struggles, pain, self doubt, anger, regret and sorrow I’ve experienced all these years? To not validate the cruelness I’ve had to face from society? Or, eliminate all those times when society decided I was less than a human by forgetting words like respect and validation all because of my disability? Hell no!

I had to remember that no matter what anyone thinks or says, my membership with the Disabled doesn’t have an expiration date. Heck, I don’t even need to pay an annual membership fee to secure a spot. The last time I checked, cerebral palsy remains incurable. But even then, wouldn’t my experiences as a person with a disability validate a continued membership in the club?

Ultimately, everyone’s entitled to his or her own opinion and beliefs. That’s one of the reasons why this country is not so bad.

In the eyes of the nondisabled world, both the woman who denied my disability and I are defective somehow and without a doubt Disabled. Regardless of the severity of a disability, it is the physical and social challenges and barriers that bind the Disabled together as a community.