The Issue of Vulnerability........

I was hesitant at first when they (I mean Life Is Full) asked me to write for them, and a little more than surprised when they wanted me to write this column. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. At first I wasn’t sure if I wanted to take on such a big task … let’s be honest, shall we, about the responsibility! As I thought it over for a few days, I started to see the bigger picture.

I saw the wonderful opportunity that many do not get, right in front of my face: the freedom to choose what to write and on a subject with which I’m quite familiar. I would have the opportunity to bring to light the disability experience honestly and fairly. This was a once-in-a-lifetime chance! But, I had one thing to consider. By writing about my life as a disabled person, I would become vulnerable … again.

Being physically challenged in itself is vulnerable enough, but by opening up and allowing others to see inside my world is another kind of vulnerability. I would be letting “outsiders” in on my private struggles and challenges. Yes, it’s among others who are also disabled, but by no means does that make it any easier. There’s always a chance for judgment and criticism even if it’s among people who share a strong commonality.

People are the same whether they are disabled or not; we like our privacy and certainly do not like others judging us on the choices we make. I realize having a disability does unite us, but there are also definite differences in how we choose to live our life. We may share the challenges of having a disability and experience the same negative attitudes from society, but how we deal with our own disability differs from one person to another.

I know my reactions in every situation I am in: the choices I make, the actions I take, and what I say and do not say at a particular moment differs from others. Therein lies the question: Is there a difference between already being vulnerable and becoming more vulnerable?

Vulnerability is a sensitive subject in the disabled community. We learn that our disability not only hinders us sometimes, but also makes us more vulnerable in other situations. For example, I choose not to climb up the stairs to the top row of a stadium. Also, I need to be very aware of my surroundings when out in public, as my physical strength doesn’t match my mental strength.

So, by already being vulnerable, why should I take the next step and invite people to read about my own struggles and challenges as a disabled individual, exposing myself even further, becoming even more vulnerable. But I ask, isn’t vulnerability second nature to us, or at least an ongoing occurrence, a challenge? Doesn’t it have a different meaning to us?

Vulnerability in the nondisabled world is sometimes associated with weakness. Our “vulnerability” is not to be mistaken for weakness, but it does help us in a way. It keeps us in check, a reality check. I know what I cannot do and know not to put myself in vulnerable situations when it comes to my physical limitations. I know I need to always be aware of my surroundings, especially when I am alone and in an unfamiliar environment.

Allowing people to see how I deal with my own disability may be considered a vulnerable act. I see it not so much as being vulnerable, but rather as an opportunity, an opportunity to connect with others and realize we are very similar. Also, I see it as another challenge. Challenge: a word that you and I know very well.

"The opinions and comments of Life Is Full columnists are completely their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the magazine"